Restart

everything is so transparently cloudy.

Transformed

Transformed? No. Beginning to be transformed? Yes. Transformed is past tense and I have not changed 360 degrees but I have begun to transform. It's a process, a long process with lots of battles. Thus begins the transformation. Jesus, keep me humble.

Winter Retreat '09

The Difference Between Hoshi and my Mom

They want to help us get in to college. What a joke.

When we go sit in the counselor's office on our own initiative, we just get the basic, "You can do it." Or the Ivy League schools aren't the only schools. Students might be caught up with the "elite thinking" but counselors are caught up in "students can't do it, so why try." We already know our options are open but we still want to shoot up there and you aren't helping us. Giving us the overrated, "Do what you love" and the "Trust us, we know what we're doing," doesn't help. What a joke. Oxford Academy's name is no where near worth the grades. Outsiders think students at Oxford get straight A's. Not many outsiders know Oxford is best at fucking up transcripts.

And does Oxford help? What a joke. Technically, Oxford is a college preparatory high school, not a guarantee-good-college high school, but I'd rather go to Kennedy High School and get into a good college and learn from there instead of getting bad grades at a "preparatory" high school and "knowing" what it's like in college. Because in the end, everyone gets used to college whether they were ready in high school or not. Sure it's good to prepare for the future but not to the point where you forget to fully enjoy a normal high school life. But what does Hoshi care? He's cares about your pink tank-top, not you.

Those that maybe care a little tell you, "Oh yes, you can totally go to college with your grades. If you get an 1700 on your SAT and straight B's, you could probably get into a lot of your college choices." And they mean every word. Then you go to your mom and she says, "What the hell is this: 1800 SAT 3A's and 3B's? I'm going to kick you out of the house if you end up in community college." And she also means every word.

Everyone knows college doesn't necessarily guarantee a good career, much less a bright future. Sure, the I-graduated-from-Harvard-law-school sticker you get to wear on your forehead looks great when you meet up with your old friends from elementary or high school but junior college alumni can get a stable and lovable job, too. The school staff tells you that all the time but who fucking cares? Certainly not me or my mom.

"2400 SATs, I'm taking all AP's; 2390 SAT, take me off the family tree."
He who opens a school door, closes a prison. - Victor Hugo
God made the Idiot for practice and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain

Disneyland

Being unable to say what I need to say, being unable to tell someone my frustrations and being unable to express my gratefulness and sincerity is such a pain in the ass.

Disneyland is not really the happiest place on earth when it's raining. Home is. Not the house but home. Disneyland was fun though. Cindy and I took like a bizillion pictures of just ourselves. We went on Space Mountain three times again and finished the entire park by 4:30PM. We got to ride all the rides we wanted to even though it was raining. We got to eat whatever we wanted to and move as we wanted to. I wish I was rich. It's one thing to buy a ticket into Disneyland and another to pay for the fun. A good meal for one person costs around $15 to $20. If you stay there all day, you have to eat lunch and dinner. Then the souvenirs are ridiculously overpriced. A nice plushie-turning-into-pillow Eeyore I wanted was $23. I also wanted a few key chains that would have added up to $15. It's like paying $150 to have full happiness at Disneyland (ticket + food + souvenirs). Gosh. I still love Disneyland though. Disneyland has that "magic" other amusement parks certainly don't have. They just rip their tourists off like all the other theme parks. I felt bad for the first timers at Disneyland. They were probably tourists but they had to pick a rainy day to come. The parade was like a last minute mush together. It only consisted of three cars. So lame. Totally does not live up to the hype of Disney's parades and they didn't get to watch fire works either. I would be a very disappointed first timer.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Welcome Back Winter Once Again

It's a freakin roller coaster ride. One moment I'm happy and the next I'm angry.

Who knew it was so hard being nice? This week, I'm really learning to appreciate those kind of people, the type that you're maybe not mean, but harsh to but they still accept you and wouldn't mind being friends with just about everyone. Talk about "let[ting] your love stay strong."

There are so many things I want to say straight up to people's faces but I just can't bring myself to. I wish I could tell her that I feel like I'm the only one trying, that I feel like I have to entertain her all the time to keep her with me. I wish I could tell someone else to stop abusing me and using me whenever useful, to shape up and get a clue when everyone around thinks it's annoying and just down right rude. John Mayer, I wish I could just say what I need to say.

You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

But some things are better left unsaid. Even if I hate, I can't bring myself to say something too harsh. I'm so stupid.

Well, it's winter now. I love when it's cold and I put on a warm sweater or snuggle in my warm blankets or stand between Angie and Alex and walk in a straight line as they keep me warm. HAHA. I hope it rains and every year, I hope it'll snow. Maybe it'll snow this year.

When it's this time of season, that means it's that time of season again! I love hearing about Winter Formal drama. I don't really like the theme but the location seems really nice and it's until MIDNIGHT. How fun~ It'd be nice to go but who knows. I'd go with Karthika and crew but those tomboys refuse to go, damn it. I need find girlfriends. Oh well, it's totally more than satisfying to watch the ones I adore trying their best. tehee. AJAJA FIGHTING!

Dear Vienna,

I like Owl City songs these days. They don't make sense though. Jasmine said the guy who wrote the songs wrote them because he has insomnia, which would explain the name, "Owl City." But nevertheless, the melodies are pretty addicting.

Sunday:
NOREBANG. FINALLY. with Erin! EHEHEHE. I love norebang. I wish I could go again. Can I just live there, please?

Monday:
DROVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. HAHA. I suck. I can't make right turns very well... and I keep getting confused at resident intersections. I would have crashed a couple times if the teacher didn't step on the brakes. Twice, I mixed up the gas and brake pedals. So when I wanted to stop I accidentally pressed the gas pedal. HAHAHA.

I'm having so many stupid thoughts lately but there's no one who'd listen and the ones who would would call me stupid. sigh. LET'S HIT NOREBANG!

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.
~Kurt Vonnegut

Baby, Are You Down Down Down Down Down?

Hate to admit it but been feeling down lately. So many fights lately. I don't want to handle it all. Words that used to work don't anymore.

Funny how when I don't do anything, I get more tired. It's not that I'm bored but just that I'm tired. But when I spend a day doing all I can and actually getting things done, I'm much more awake and alive.

To be alive.

Those that struggle with life are the ones who deserve it.

Pikachu

It's the small things that count.

I was frantically doing homework during lunch and Alex came up to me and was like, "Christine, I'm gonna make your day brighter." I was like, "HAH?" and then he pulls out a yellow action figure out of his bag. I scream. HAHA. PIKACHU!

Thank you, Alex! :D You totally did make my day brighter. It wasn't that dark to begin with but BOY did it make the sun like BURST. HAHA. WHOOHOOOO! <3

THANK YOU ALEX! MWAH <3

Trying to count the things that can't be counted.

One Piece Chapter 437

Even if there are billows of smoke,
we can still see the sky,
we can still see the ocean.
It's not like this is hell.
So stop acting like you're about to die.
Stand up.

Friends and Faults

Friends are supposed to accept and love you despite your faults. But can a friend truly still love you if she doesn't know your imperfections? If she doesn't know your flaws then that means she hasn't hung out with you enough or doesn't know you well enough. A true friend should know you inside out, both the good and the bad. A friend doesn't judge based on those faults but embraces them.

Nobody is perfect, which means everyone has bad sides. Usually, you don't know what someone lacks until you get to know them a little. How can someone accept you when she doesn't even fully know you? If she only accept the good aspects, then isn't she just using you? A friend is someone who knows all of what you have and lack and still loves you. Some things might bug her or she might not care at all. But what's so important about that? In the end, all that she really knows is that she loves hanging out with you, whether other people like you or not.

If someone asks me, "What is your friend like?" I should be able to respond with all her good and bad aspects, "Although she is like this, you have no idea how much fun it is to just be around her because she is this, that, some more of this and a little more of that." When someone that hates her tells me, "Did you know that bitch is this and that?" I should be able to say, "Hell yeah, I know what you know. Too bad you don't know what I know. Now apologize for saying shit about her when you don't even really know anything, you bitch."

It's okay when I hear people say to me, "I don't know anything bad about you." But I would be really upset, sad and lost if I heard my friends say the same thing. True friends know but don't judge because knowing and judging are two entirely different matters.

Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

Childhood Memories

I never thought I had childhood memories. I thought I was too stupid and could not remember anything from when I was little. In some dramas, the characters' childhood reflects a lot of their actions and character and that memory is quite vivid in their minds.

I had no such thing... at least that's what I thought.

Yesterday I got in touch with a friend whom I've known since I was at least four and it brought back a flood of memories. I first met him when I was locked out of my own house with my grandma and my younger sister. We didn't have cell phones at that time and couldn't reach my parents', who were at church, cellphones. So I went over to our next door neighbor, whom I had never met and asked to use their phone. I guess I was really sad because the boy not only came out with his house phone but also a pistachio and offered it to me. Then, I don't know when or how but I came to have two houses. I remember his dogs, his house which I thought was too dark for my liking, his garage that had the air hockey table and hurt my fingers all the time. We played Pokemon on our game boys. Back then was the era of game boy colors and game boy black and white. One time we even had a picnic in his front lawn. We brought out blankets and ate Mexican food. We thought it would be fun to watch a car run over an apple and we weren't wrong.

He came out and told me something honestly even though he was afraid I would reject him. How could I ever hate him? Even if he killed someone I don't think I could hate him. I would be shocked and disappointed but I would not hate him. I sincerely love and treasure him as my friend. It's weird how childhood friends last throughout the years even years where you've been apart for so long. When you come back together, you just have so much to talk about and catch up on. As we grow up, making new friends, real friends, is hard.

The other prominent memory is when I taught my grandma her numbers and the alphabet in English because she wanted to communicate with her grand kids. That's when I remember the shaky handwriting. I was leaning over the table to watch my grandma concentrate even though she was already in her 70s. I'm so glad I at least have one memory of my grandma.

These are the memories that make me warm inside because I tend to forget memories, good or bad. I don't particularly know why I'm so fond of childhood memories. All I know is that I treasure these memories more than I thought I did.

"Youth is wasted on the young." - Mark Twain

Full Friday

AHHHH.
You know your day has been great when your classes are easy breezy, you secretly listen to your ipod the whole 5th period, your lunch was great, you helped out at your school, you get a free t-shirt, walk to get a free Baskin Robbins ice cream and live your childhood again at a park. Getting back to school at 6:00 was like a story in a book. You start with school, spend time at school, go out with your schools friends and end the day at school once again.

Dodgeball tournament was pretty fun :) I felt bad for the teams from other schools that came. They didn't get many cheers and lost in the first half (I think). As a referee, it's like playing dodgeball, too. The ball comes flying so fast! D: But it was hella fun both dodging and getting hit. HAHA.

Then spent the rest of the day with Danna, Rhianna, Karthika and an unexpected guest, Andrew. :) We stopped by Veteran Park in Cypress on the way back and it was so fun. I love the swings and the swirly chairs. The people who invented those spinning chairs were genius. You just have to get started and the chair spins faster and faster by itself. It's pretty amazing.

HAHAHAHA (x999)

Chemistry Puns

Mr. Nguyen performed an experiment where an egg falls into a flask where the egg would not have fit originally. But if the flask is heated, the change of air pressure makes the volume of the air inside the flask expand, lowering the air pressure and thus the air pressure outside of the flask pushed the egg into the flask. The egg did not get sucked in.

Mr. Nguyen: "Chemistry never sucks."

Mr. Nguyen was demonstrating the popular can-crushing experiment where you heat the can and it will crush itself because the air pressure outside the can is greater than the inside. Except he didn't have any cans and so he used a plastic water bottle.

Mr Nguyen: "I can't get any cans."
Maggie: (unintentionally) "Yes, you can."
Tim: "This class is so punny."

It's the small things.

Cindy,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
you're 17. SEVENTEEN.
one more year until you're legally an adult.

we should go vote together or something xD
i'll catch up to you in like two months :)

sorry you're day wasn't PERFECT-O
but who says it has to be?
you can make tomorrow perfect.
or maybe yesterday was perfect with an o.
or it might have only had the p,
but we're still ROLLIN :D

that probably didn't make any sense even though it made perfect sense to me... -____-

in any case,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, CINDY!

Dum Dee Dum

Song Currently Stuck in My Head: Kids - MGMT

Why do people post? For some months I have like 20 posts and for other months I have like 5. The months with the fewer amount of blogs were my busiest and happiest months, I think. And the times where I have a lot of blogs is when I have the most time doing nothing. So does that mean when I blog the most, that's when I'm most sad? That's SAD. -____-

Life is so gray, I'm having trouble remembering what's black and what's white.

One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm sighing, and I'm laughing again.

I've officially lost it.

The Amaranth

An amaranth is commonly known as the pigweed. Most species are not cultivated and caused problems for many farmers in the mid-1990s.
It comes from the Greed word amarantos meaning "the one that never fades" or the never-fading flower.
----

PWAHAHA.
2AM JoKwon and BEG GaIn are SO funny xDD
I watched their first We Got Married episode.
What a rough day for them.
They had an awkward first meet, got lost and when they finally found their house it was a mobile home in the back of a truck. HAHA.

----

A Rose and an Amaranth blossomed side by side in a garden,
and the Amaranth said to her neighbor,
"How I envy you your beauty and your sweet scent!
No wonder you are such a universal favorite."
But the Rose replied with a shade of sadness in her voice,
"Ah, my dear friend, I bloom but for a time:
my petals soon wither and fall, and then I die.
But your flowers never fade, even if they are cut;
for they are everlasting."
-Aesop's Fables

Quotes

“Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.”
Ashleigh Brilliant

“Men in the game are blind to what men looking on see clearly.”
Chinese Proverbs

“Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.”
Ashleigh Brilliant

“The man who has no problems is out of the game.”
Elbert Hubbard

“To win you've got to stay in the game.”
Claude M. Bristol

“The way a man plays a game shows some of his character. The way he loses shows all of it.”

“'Oh yes,' he thinks, 'Women. With their subversive sexual tactics have no place in this game.' It is no accident that the queen is the deadliest of pieces; the manly pawn: the weakest.”
Luis Camara Silva

“No coach has ever won a game by what he knows; it's what his players know that counts.”
Paul Bryant

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Michael Jordan

“When the game is over, the king and the pawn go into the same box”
Italian Proverb

Cinderella

I love Cinderella stories, where the girl is poor but happily content with her life but an arrogant, rich boy comes along and overturns her world. But the boy subtly is also changed by the girl and they fall in love with a happy ever after.

Like many other girls, I've dreamed of getting swept away by prince charming. As overrated as that sounds, there's a reason its overrated. It's more of a common ground for girls than an overrated subject. A lot of us await the day of finding our true love, getting married to him, having kids and living happily ever after just like Cinderella.

Some versions of the Cinderella story have been morphed into a different version. Some Cinderellas, or in a more teenagerish word - gold diggers, search for the rich prince, whose money will make her happy. Other Cinderellas don't need a prince but just a man who will think she is the most beautiful woman that ever existed. And yet there are Cinderellas that find their prince in work and independence.

But I feel like I was already born as a rich Cinderella. I feel like I was born as the Cinderella who is already married to the prince. I have a home, not just a house. I have food to eat every day. I have a mom and dad who toil the entire day to cough up some money for us. I have sisters who never hate me no matter how mad I get or how much I ignore them. I have friends who stay by my side even when I hit them for no reason and I act like a loser. I have a dog who is always happy to see any his family members and has more energy the more his forgetful family doesn't pet him. Of course, Cinderella is probably much more determined and kinder than I am but I am just as lucky as her.

Some people were born as the Cinderella from the story. She lost both her father and mother, the people who truly loved her. She was alone in her home and had only a bed and maybe a desk in her room. She swept the floors as her step family scorned her for no reason and searched desperately for any way to make her life even more miserable. But I don't think Cinderella waited for her prince. She never complained about her family but sang instead. When she had no friends, she befriended the animals outside her window. And because of her kind heart, she had a fairy godmother and life presented her with the opportunity to finally bloom. No one is born into this world alone no matter how dark it seems now.

Cinderella ended her story when she married the prince. Good thing only fairy tales have endings.

At one point in our lives, a lot of us will be just as rich, if not richer, than Disney's classic princess, Cinderella. We have a loving family she never had. We have loving friends she never had. And our own love awaits us, the only thing she ever had.

A love without memories or sincerity is poor.

I am already rich.

Disjointed

My thoughts are still here and there.
Everywhere and no where at the same time.
I'm not making any sense.

I'm so fcking pissed.

I love Pikachu.

Super Girl (Super Junior M) & Dark Blue (Jacks Manniquin) were stuck in my head.

I want to sleep, I want to stay awake.

I think I'm totally rude to Mr. Cowan. Today, he was just talking and I was like in my own world. I thought I was paying attention but there was a point where I completely blanked out. But you know he says some pretty good stuff sometimes. sometimes.

I hope no one thinks my blogs are about them. Sometimes it is, but usually its plainly obvious who it is directed to (at least it's painfully obvious to me). Sometimes I'm just regurgitating what someone says to me or what I think or whatever. I'm just gonna stop.

You're life is a waste.

((confidently and excitedly))
The battle at Bunker Hill saved the American Revolution! .........maybe.

Idiot

I feel really stupid.

What am I doing here? Why am I standing next to her? There's no competition; she's won.

What is she doing here? Why is she standing next to me? Hurry and disappear.

I've just had unconnected, disjointed thoughts lately. One thought here. And another there.

Do I really not care?

I have to give up this and that but I don't want to. Take those things away and I have nothing left. If you take those away, where am I supposed to escape to?

I have too much pride to give up but I don't have strength to keep going. I feel like I'm just standing on one of those moving sidewalks tarps at the airport.

I feel like the more I sleep, the more I'm tired. In mangas, that's how people disappear xO

These days,

Life makes no sense.

P.S.
HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY ERIN! :)

Happier Days Ahead

Not feeling it. Been feeling pretty down lately. Don't know why and no it's not my time of month.

1. I had fun yesterday though. Went to K Festival. The festival itself was boring but just going to LA was fun. AHAHA. Soyeon and I were stranded for a couple hours before and we went to go bug Yungsoo to take us. It worked :)

2. I've been having a lot of galbi lately, too. YUMMYYYY

3. Parent's aren't home. They went to Korea for a week. PARTAYY! jkay. I really do wish them a speedy safe trip :)

4. I've taken a liking to this face massager xD I dunno if it works but its fun :D Omg. my face hurts from doing to too much. It hurts like crazy when i let it touch my face again. Its like bruises. ouchie.
5. Lately, I've had the urge to play Pokemon. I've watched like 3 Pokemon movies this weekend (coughillegalycough) I want to be a Pokemon trainer :( But Pokemon games get so boring -_____- I want to be a REAL Pokemon trainer. pooey.

6. I made SCYP the philharmonic orchestra. Unbelievable. I winged the audition and utterly failed. I don't know how I made it but I did. Wow. I'm somehow really lucky. Now I need to to practice TwT Our songs are boring for this concert but oh well. I made it :)

7. Like AllKpop pointed out, September is such a bad month for singers. DBSK fighting with SME over contract issues. 2PM Jaebum's myspace comment gets over-exaggerated. 2PM Hottests are blaming JYP for Jaebum's leave. Super Junior Kangin is charged for an assault. G-Dragon, 2NE1 and Big Bang is blamed for plagiarism.

8. But September can't be sad month. I never want to say this day sucked. Because on that day, at least one person was born. It should be a happy day. I would be so sad if I heard someone say on my birthday, "Damn, today sucks. I hate today. I wish today didn't happen. I wish today didn't exist. When is this day over?" I would be a very sad person.
September happy days I know:
23- Danna
24- sister

9. And happier days ahead.

1:59PM
Waiting for the clock to strike 2:ooPM once again.

This week SUCKED!

but I don't want to say I hate it.
I wasn't crying 24/7 although I did cry.
I have great friends that make me laugh every day so I can't bring myself to hate that day.

Played tennis with Erin and Jeanine today.
Sister bonding! :D
AHAHAH.

This week is over and I hope next week is better.

Still really sad about Jaebum.
I've been spending a lot of time on 2OneDay forums lately.
that place is a great place to vent on the stupid exploded issue.
This is such a small thing, please Jay don't let it get you down :(

Gah, I'm so tired.
This week has been tiring.
PRESS THE SNOOZE BUTTONNNN :D

7-1=0

Troublesome

my life sucks has been better. I still have everything I NEED but there has been so much going on lately. So many things that should be simply SIMPLE but became unexpectedly dramatized. My perspective on people, myself and life has changed more than a bit.

For one thing, Park Jaebum. Poor baby. I really want to tell him he shouldn't give up and go back and do SOMETHING. It might not be my business but I'm scared he might regret this incident for the rest of his life if he doesn't clear it up neatly. Some netizens are RIDICULOUS. I say some because I know some netizens forgive Jaebum and support him but the others are just utterly ridiculous. A suicide PETITION?! I mean REALLY? Cmon. How many actors and actresses have you killed already? Is it not enough? You want to unrighteously and immorally take away yet another life? Is life that insignificant to you? Do you think life is that cheap? If you want him to die so much at least you go do the killing. Why are you trying to put all the responsibility on Jaebum? That comment was four long years ago when he had NO ONE and NOTHING in Korea. He didn't even know the language or culture. He was BRAND new. People change. Well, at least sane people do unlike heartless antis but Jaebum is a sane man who changed from a belligerent to a charismatic and kind-hearted guy. Common fans like us may not know him very well but I can tell a little bit from the variety shows and interviews. More credible is the admiring comments people around him keep leaving him. JYP saw his talents, his teammates look up to him, other celebrities respect him, staff loves him. Jaebum deserves those praising comments. He earned it. I hope he won't give up and do what he wants to do without any regrets, whether it's coming back with 2PM or going back home as Jay Park.

I've had SO many thought's I want to right on here. I guess I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few days but maybe I'll save those for another day. I'm just so frustrated and angry lately about many things. I feel disappointed in myself and I can't seem to find relief. My hair's falling out, too. Great.

Take me away.

Let Your Love Be Strong

One's evil, the other is righteous. These terms have always changed throughout the course of history. Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values. Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right. This very place is neutral ground. Whoever wins becomes justice.
- One Piece 556

I have no pity for villains. But family is different. What are you supposed to do then?
- One Piece 556

Lately things have been quite depressing. sigh.
School's not bad. I have my day of laughs every day! AHAHAHA. Being happy's so great :)

But it's so hard to love people who are so...umm...unlovable?
Nobody's perfect. GET THAT IN YOUR HEAD. Stop comparing yourself to me. You're not lower than anyone else but you aren't higher either. What fckin right do you have to dictate and tell someone off so rudely. GROW UP. You're not five years old anymore. Learn from others, don't belittle them. Stop being so arrogant. Do you even know what it means to sacrifice? When's the last time you ever gave up something for someone else? You know what it feels like to be excluded but yet you do it to other people whom you deem "insignificant." Just GROW UP. You don't have to be good at everything. That's what friends are for. You don't always have to be right. Fck. Whenever you are right you say, "See I told you soooo," and whenever you get it wrong you simply say, "Oops." What the hell? Just be humble about it when you get it wrong. Don't belittle other people and squeal, "See I told you soooo." GROW UP. If you want to be INCLUDED than INCLUDE other people, too. Yeah, sure to love others you have to love yourself first but doesn't everyone know understand the golden rule? You want love? Then love others. You don't want to be a loner? Then don't make other people feel like loners. Sometimes YOU have to take the first move and do the right thing FIRST.
Let's all grow up and get past this but I'm gonna need cooperation from you, too. God can handle everything and love all of you but people can't. People have limits (thank God He doesn't). Don't act like the leader, act with the people.

I still have so much to learn.

I'm just going to be the better person.
- Ronnie Park

Last Day of Summer

I'm going to school in 12 hours.
EXCITED TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN :D

Spent some hours with Mike today.
Freakin jerk, always buys a gift for me -___-
Ate Peruvian food. A little too salty but the meat was good!

Who says challenge equals failure?
They can be quite fun.
And even more fun when you have someone to share them with.

Life's challenges arn't meant to paralyze you.

10 Out of 10

I love 2PM <3

Naruto, Chapter 461

"Whether you trust me or not, what we need are results."

"If that is what this world is, what humans are... there is no future. Understanding and faith: if you take those away, all that's left is fear. I can't accept immoral methods or giving up."

"Easy for you to say. You have no idea. If you have any questions, now's the time to ask. We'll give you advice, boy."

"I have one question for you."

"Alright. I'll answer any questions you have, boy."

"When did you throw yourselves away?"

"..."

I love Gaara :D

Summer HW

I gotta finish by SATURDAY!
So I can PARTY ALL WEEKEND.
Yes! I found my motivation!

My homies and I chilled at the park
and now we're crashing my crib.

PWAHAHA. I think the Payne would've been very
"depressed" with that sentence. xD

PERMIT

Yes I got my permit today :)
Scared to drive.
but when I do, I'm PARTYINGGGG~~~

February 26, 2010: license.

When people must meet someone,
they meet the person they must meet.
The same goes for parting as well.

Today SUCKED.

Yeah, today sucked ASS.
Was supposed to go take permit test.
Miscommunication.
Mom totally exploded on me.
She turned around and we didn't go.
Sure, part of it was my fault but is it that bad to be ignorant?
Jeez lueez -____-

Right after I got back, I changed and left the house.
Went around to go run some errands.
Sat in the the park a while to cool off.
Even bought mom her favorite dark chocolate cause I felt bad.
Then, she just yells at me again later.
sigh.

Tomorrow's another day.
For tonight, maybe more dreams about 2PM will do :D

I'm freaking out about what's ahead, maybe I'll just stay in bed.
Cause it's no fun to be the one going out of my head, so I tell it to myself again:
You're looking for something you can't find.
If you give it up, you'll lose your mind.
There's always something in your way.
What can you say? You're gonna have a good day!
- The Click Five

P.S.
WILD BUNNY EPISODE 4 WAS SOOO FUNNY!!!
PWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA xDDD

Dreams - 2PM

ANOTHER DREAM.
this time it was with 2PM!
for some reason they were performing on a little stage with like maybe3 a crowd of three hundred people.
I was backstage with them!
We were like friends and I watched them perform from the back.
The props were like paper and Styrofoam stuff so i could see them when the wind blew the back props.
I was hiding and watching them when Jaebum did a flip stunt and landed on my foot.
He slipped and hurt his leg.
I remember him glaring at me for the rest of the dream -_____-
But Taecyeon was being nice to me :D

Then there was another one where I met Taecyeon at the airport. (Sorry Sam xD)
I was with someone but I don't remember who.
Taecyeon was in line for the security check and I stopped him and asked for a picture.
He agreed and we took one.
Then he told me if we meet again we should exchange phone numbers because his ideal girl can speak English.
PWAHAHAHA.
I gave him the okay and end of dream.
SORRY SAM xD
don't worry I still love Jaebum more ;)

No person has the right to rain on your dreams.
~ Marian Wright Edelman

Dreams - One Piece & Imaginary Land

I'm remembering my dreams lately.

First one was I was part of Luffy's crew! :D
We ran into some spa place and I was hurt so Sanji changed me so whenever I run around mini purple and green snakes would be left behind.
For some reason, they needed to find the exit without getting spotted so I helped them out, Luffy being last.
And then it all of a sudden turned into Henry's old apartment and I was talking to some adults that happened to be my parents.
Somehow I got outside to meet them and we were transported to a plateau in an urban area.
We had decided to make a house there.
We were discussing on the plateau and Sanji kept pestering Franky to make a blueprint of the house cause he's the carpenter so Franky made this simple shaped blueprint and asked Sanji if this one was okay.
Sanji hesitantly approved and so Franky crushed the table and the blueprint turned out to be a coffin for Sanji xD
Then, CP9 came out of nowhere with two more members.
Everyone was scared of course.
Luchi took Luffy to a dam with high rising water and I had followed.
I was at the top of the dam thinking I was safe but the water overflowed and I landed on sand on the other side.
I held on to a rock so as not to be swept with the waves and helped Luffy grab on.
Luffy and Luchi decided they couldn't fight there.
and that's all I remember...

My famiy was on a trip and we ended up in this REALLY hilly city.
Like the hills were REALLY high.
We driving and then we got onto this road that made your car like a train and run on no gas but just follow the tracks.
It ended up being like a rollercoaster.
The tracks led us up the hill and in loops.
I was holding onto my dad for dear life cause our car had no ceiling.
We finally got to the top only to end up going back down but with parachutes.
Aunt Maggie and Sammi were there too.
I felt like I wanted to die at that point.
I put my helmet on and remember looking out to that city.
It was very green, hilly, breezy and kind of foggy.
There were parachutes all over the place.
It looked like a cartoon but it was very pretty.

ehehehe.
I don't know where all this comes from :D

Yesterday was another day with Mike :)

Dr. Seuss

Today feels like a Dr. Seuss day...
Don't know why; I know there's a day somewhere in the spring for Dr. Seuss but I just feel like it's today for me :D

When I was little, I didn't appreciate him as much because I always thought his stories were kind of whack.
I mean he made up his own species and drew not-that-cute pictures.
AHAHA. Sorry, Dr. Seuss.
but now, I understand what he was trying to convey through his stories and enjoy them.
especially Oh, The Places You'll Go!
I remember Uncle Brian bought that book for me when I was graduating sixth grade I think? Or was it when I was younger?
I remember thinking the pictures were ugly. HAHA.

The book talks about choosing your own directions
and how you'll surpass others while sometimes you'll be left behind.
Then, in the lowest times, you won't be happy
but don't wait around, keep going.
Sometimes you'll be lonely and sometimes the worst enemy will be you
but he says keep going
You'll face many problems but he says you'll succeed "98 and 3/4 guarantee."

I still don't get some of his other stories like Cat in the Hat and The Grinch.
The Grinch still freaks me out.
But maybe it's because I haven't read them in such a long while.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.

SAT Class <3

PWHAHA.
I never knew I'd like eight hours of SAT class every day Mon-Thurs so much! :D
People are so cool :)
I remember I first talked to Jennifer, Kevin and Jonathon on the first day.
AHAHAH.
I didn't want to eat lunch by myself so I kinda stalked them and went up to them and was like, "Can I eat lunch with you guys?"
EHEHEHE.
Then we just got to know more people and before we knew it almost the whole class were friends.
Hakro, Jennifer (Kim), Susan, Alex (gumwrappers!), Isaac, Angela, Candice and more.

I'm actually sad it ended.

On our last day, we all went to eat expensive salkyubsal
and went to norebang for like three hours. :)
We all became BROKE.
But it was SO worth it.

I can't until I drive.
I'm going to go around, pick everyone up and we will all go play again.

Imma take plane then :)

Idol Stuff

Aunt Maggie bought me 2NE1 CD TODAY :D
EHEHEHEHE.
It feels nice to support your favorite artists.
I can't wait until 2PM's album comes out.
I'mma buy that one f'sho :)

I bought a magazine, too.
But it feels soo childish xP
but its okay. i can stare at him all day.

Tomorrow is the last test I'll take for SAT tutor.
Then on Thursday, we're going to norebang.
and then its goodbyes.

Lately, I've had more than the usual things to be grateful for.

The class spent the first five minutes of the essay portion
but we need the entire 25 minutes to write the essay
so Hakro gets up and turned the hands of the clock back.
pfffft.

Retrospect

PWAHA.
I just went back and read all my past blogs.
Eh, just nostalgic memories.
Can't believe I was blogging DURING school.
It feels like such a LONG time ago.

I've been having SAT tutor that past week for 8 hours straight in LA.
PARTY CITY!
I love our class.
We're hella quiet during class but when we go out for lunch, it's us.
On the last day, we plan to go play at norebang.

It's been like norebang week.
I went last wednesday, last saturday, and I'm going to go again twice this week.

Summer's so great. :)

"Look at the time, I gotta go it's 2PM." - Park Jaebum

Nothing You Can't Handle ;)

Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle. EVER.
Somehow, I always end up being okay.
God wants to bless us with more than we could ever know but we ask with clenched fists.
Without knowing it, we limit Him in our minds and that's all we end up receiving.

Suffering produces endurance.
Perseverance produces character.

We go through trials to keep us humble and so we can empathize with others.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

One Hundred Percent 100%

Do all parents love their children?
The word "all" makes that statement false.
At first I believed it.
Someone told me that when I hold my child in my arms, I won't be able to believe there is a mother in the world that could hate their child.
But in reality there is no "always" or "forever."

Can you really trust a person whole-heartedly?
You can trust them 99.9999% but never always.
Whether it was on purpose or by accident, no one is perfect.
In reality, there is no "always" or "forever."

We are all under limited time.
Everything rusts away, plants die, animals die, humans die.
Nothing can last forever.

But
If there is no 100% in this world, then reality can't say it's 100% positive there is no such thing as "always" or "forever."
Those who understand love know there's such a word as "forever."
The soul lasts forever.
It might not be tangible for centuries but for that one soul, time can never touch it.

There is no 100% in this world.

The word "forever" is nothing but a meaningless word born out of the fear of aging.

Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." -Stephen Wright

Currently listening to - JunBe OK

You're heart's within reach but untouchable
My lonely heart that is in pain
Leave, go away, I'm leaving you

Kim HyungJoon actually looks hot in that MV; I was surprised.
Guy's hair really makes a difference...

Been busy the past week.
TEHEE. but having lots of fun with Sam ;)

Love Norebang <3 I made a rap/free poem about it for an assignment in class. I forgot to put the title as Karaoke so the guy had no idea what I was talking about. PWAHAHA. "That was really deep or I didn't get it." SAT essay's suck. 25 minutes to right two pages?! ridiculoussssss TwT

VISIT MY COUSIN'S BLOG AND DROP A COMMENT :)
eskay-eskay.blogspot.com

"I want to love until I collapse from exhaustion."

070609

Probably one of the best days of my life.
Rode roller coasters for the first time in my ENTIRE life.
HAHA. I went with Soyeon and Jiyeon and so glad I did.
I can't believe we're still like best friends.
I had lost contact with them after elementary school and didn't talk to them for about three years.
Then, I saw them at church again and we got along like we did in second grade.
It's amazing how bonds we created when we were seven years old lasts nine years and still going.
We stayed at Knott's from 11:00AM - 8:00PM and rode mostly everything except some of the more scarier roller coasters like Boomerang and Montezuma's Revenge. We didn't get to ride Excellerator because it broke down :(
We were going to stay until 10:00PM, when Knott's closed, but we rode all the rides we wanted to about 2-3 times so we decided to go relieve more stress at norebang.
OH yes. Daein, his sister and SangHo came,too.
We sang to our hearts' content.
Then we went to eat a Guppy's. HAHA. We talked some more, played some more, ate some more.
It was a whole day of playing.
It was a day of eating whatever I wanted.
It was a day of trying new things and overcoming fears.
It was a day of doing my favorite things.
It was a day of hanging out with my friends.
food + accomplishment + singing + dancing + friends
can the day get any better?

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you,
they're supposed to help you discover who you are.

Life is like an onion:
You peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.

Growing Up

Work hard, Play hard
I had forgotten what that meant...
Even if I fail, if I give it everything I got,
then I can fail without regrets.

I don't want to grow up.
sigh.

Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. - Walt Disney
tehee.

"Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on my Barbie's or whether or not I had enough Lego's to build a fort."

"Remember when you thought boys had cooties
when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few
when recess was too short and life was too long
decisions came easily without need to belong
when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong
friendships were un-broken
right was right, and wrong was wrong
when bad things didn't happen
when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears
when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part
the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart."

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

Junior Debut

Excited to go to school?
If I think about it, I kinda am :)
HAHA. I must've really gone insane during summer but I'm pretty psyched to see everyone again as upperclassmen.
I really want to stay underclassmen and hang out with upperclassmen but it looks like I'll be starting to play with the little ones x3
Of course scared stiff about AP Chem, Enlgish, etc. but I'm pretty excited to graduate, too, though I'll miss everyone.
So many mixed feelings.
I don't have a lot of times where feelings are black and white.
It's always gray but with a spectrum of colors :)
HAHA.
I already miss people.
This next year, it'll be filled with both tears and laughter.
I have to remember August 31st, the first day of school.
Because by June, it'll probably feel like the rest of the 9 months was the first week of August.
Tears & laughter; you can't know happiness without a little rain.

A heart is just two teardrops upside down.

College Kids - Relient K

someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did

i'm poor, i'm starving, i'm flat broke, i've got no cash to spend
sell all my books for front row tickets to dave matthews band
my girlfriend's at another school, i know this year will test her
i called, found out she had three other boyfriends last semester

and that's why i say
oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

80 grand later i found out that all that i had learned
is that you should show up to take your finals and your midterms
the party scene is kinda mean, i think it's sick and twisted
the navy showed up at my dorm and claimed that i enlisted

and that's why i say
oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

don't get excited. she'll say "no" without a doubt you see
and i've decided college girls just won't go out with me
they make me nervous and they always catch me off my guard
like cell phone services i drop out cause college is too hard

it's time to call my father
cause it's his alma mater
good grades aren't what they seem
i think he knows the dean
it's time to call my father
cause it's his alma mater
he says he's proud of me
but college always was his dream
and i would always say it's not for me

oh no! not for me, not for me
call it torture, call it university
no! arts and crafts is all i need
i'll take calligraphy and then i'll make a fake degree

someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did

do what will make you happy
do what you feel is right
only but one thing matters
learn how to live your life

[in the background]
(phi, beta, delta, cappa
someone please save us, us college kids!
what my parents told me is what i did
they said go to school and be a college kid
but in the end i question why i did)

do what will make God happy
do what you feel is right
only but one thing matters
learn how to live your life

Two lefts don't make a right,
but three do.

HAHA

July 24:
Had a LOAD of fun with Jon, Andrew, and Min
HAHA.
galbi, norebang, driving, coffee
got a butler :D i've always wanted one
he only costed a dime and a bet. HAHA

July 25:
Kiwanis pancake breakfast with KEY CLUB <3
I haven't served in a while and I was really happy to be back :)
Butler came along HAHA
Went to Beach Boomba.
Love Hunington Beach waves but the beach itself is really dirty.
Kinda boring but w/e.

Life is unpredictable.

Lies & Plans

Everyone lies but can we say some don't mean to?
I feel like if I don't want to hide things anymore
and say I hate lying would be very hypocritical.
I don't trust myself to stop lying.
But just because everyone does it doesn't make it right.
It's not right but it's the easiest way out... for now.
===================

YAYYY! Key Club meeting today
and time to go PLAY! :DDD

Wants

If I asked, I could probably get
a brand new car and a macbook
but where the heck are my parents pulling all the money from?
we just remodeled the garage and made a new attic
and they still want to redo the backyard.

They never tell me our financial situation
or any bad situation for that matter.
So I don't want to ask for expensive things.
I don't really NEED them, just things that I want.
yeah, I won't die without them.
I don't even deserve those things.

maybe why incentives never worked on me
was cuz my parents eventually bought me everything I wanted.
I have a laptop AND a printer as a bonus, an iPod, a credit card the biggest room in the house, a king-size bed, a couch in my room, and a bay-view window.
Listing these things really makes me feel spoiled. haha.
I did ask for the room because of the window
but through luck we ended getting the bed and the couch as hand me downs.
my mom gave me a credit card because she was too lazy to give me cash. HAHA.
I really do have a lot! O_O didn't really realize all of it until I wrote it down.
well that settles it.
my next laptop is a Dell. half the price of a mac (dayum thats a lot)

10 Minutes

What would you do if you only had only one year to live?
Go see the world.
Enjoy as many things as you can before you go.

How about one month?
How about one week?
How about one day?

How about ten minutes?
Go confess to your crush.
Call as many people as you can to tell them you love them.
Go thank someone. Go apologize to someone.
Say one more prayer.

Then only one question remains:

What are you waiting for?

Thoughtful and Thoughtless

lazy days, time keeps moving, stopping for no one.
one thing ends and another begins

Since the day we were been born, we walk towards death.
But there's sure a lot of time to enjoy the walk.
Maybe if I live my life happily and learn to forgive without regrets, death won't be so scary.
Wouldn't that be one of the worst things... to die with so many regrets.
Forgive and forget.
Good things happen to good people: maybe because good people learn to give and be happy.
Happiness is meant to be shared.
If we keep living, good things are bound to come.
They have to. They have to.
There's always sunshine after the rain.
There's always rainbows after the rain.
and don't forget there aren't any rainbows without the rain.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

Life's a climb but the view's great.
-Hannah Montana the Movie

In Europe :D

i almost got executed at a restaurant :D
i met a rabbit
my cousin's freakin weak
Clothes are pretty but kinda expensive
our performance sucked. i was so out of tune xP
we still have one more performance to go.

I've already been to Prague, Salzburg and Melk and i'm in Vienna right now.
one more performance tomorrow
only 3 more days :[

duude, european keyboards are strange
the y and z kezs are switched around
the colon/semicolon key looks like this: ö
and right next to that is ä
its interesting ÖD

i've met freakin fun people :D
PWAHAHA.
pia's so damn cute; she's 13, i mean 14 going on 7. she just stole my chair...
she hits my ears, forgets things in a day, and effin smart for some weird reason
pamala's a queen
my cousin's a freak
and the guy that follows us around is annoying...
i met someone that knows someone i know
i met TRIPLETS. They're so DAMN cute: two girls and one boy
the clarinet pro is freakin hilarious PWAHAHA
my roommate got electricuted HAHA
lots of weird people :D

Europe's passing by fast. damn i wish we had more time D:

Twilight

WOWEEE.
i'm caught up in the edward frenzy again xD
i like skimmed through twilight
watched the movie
and i saw the TRAILER for the new one!
i think it comes out in november?
jacob black looks cool as a werewolf
it doesn't look really cheesy at all

but taylor (jacob black) had to gain TWENTY-SIX pounds of muscle?!
oh eme gee....
AND he's dating Selena Gomez!
SUCH a cute couple! x3

----

LAST EPISODE of one of my favorite dramas: Atashinchi no Danshi
It's not really a lot about love
not one of your cliche dramas
its pretty eccentric but REALLY fun
love it x3

SUMMER

even busier.
AACK
let's see:

Europe tour: june 25-july 4
standford: july 13-july18

my two excursion and then its back to the desk.
the joys of summer.

haha. not to mention this its 3 in the morning.

you're interesting.

all my thoughts are all over the place; BUT WHO CARES :D

what the hell?

SO MUCH BS.
wtf is this.
i dont want to hate.
stop making it so freakin hard on me.

enough. my head hurts.

In this world of news, I've found nothing new, I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth could be fact and form
That love could be a verb; Maybe I'm just a little misinformed
As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

- Switchfoot

Danna

She didn't come to school today. CRAP. I got her sick.
Funny how Karthika and I had the same idea in mind.

I didn't do ANYTHING today.
Euro we just watched a movie; chem was pratically free period; spanish was easy peasy; math we just did homework.

Karthika and I went to the liquor store to get food for Danna.
We gave her orange juice, jello, and cough drops for cookies, ice cream and Snickers. HAHA.
We were supposed to make her get better but we just talked, played games and watched a movie.
lots of laughing =]

Fun Day

Eh. I was totally tired during the day.
Slept about four hours, don't know why, just happened.
Classes just kinda whizzed by, nothing really big happening.
After school, my sister needed to stay for tennis practice so I went (or invited myself over) to Danna's house and Karthika came too (or I invited her...)
HAHA. had lots of fun. I was trying to get Danna to do homework but she got me playing games instead. O well, I wasn't that hard to persuade.
Mario Kart on GameCube. Can't wait to play it on Wii D:
Danna has SO much POKEMON stuff. OMG.
I borrowed Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness and Pokemon: Lucario the Movie.
I want to play and watch them so bad but I have so much work to do. sigh.

Then I went to help my friend pick out a dress for her prom.
She looked gorgeous =] Then, we went out to eat at Guppies.
Ugh, I'm so full. I brought home some dessert for family.

Now that APs are done, I feel so free~

Sun's Still Shining

FAILED AP EURO.
fckfckfck.
I'll be happy if I get a 3. Freakin a and I wanted a 4. stupid me.
I feel like a complete idiot.

BUT.
The world saves the day.
I went to Stanton Community Center after taking the exam to volunteer at Cinco de Mayo Celebration.
I was supposed to get there around 5:00 but the exam took longer than expected so I got there around 5:45. Helped out until like 7:00 but that time passed by so fast.
We just served nachos the whole time and cleaned up afterwards.
But iono. Just serving and watching other people have fun makes me really happy.
They're strangers but when you smile at them and they smile back at you. It makes my day.
When giving an almost-deflated-but-still-floats balloon to a little kid and they love it. It makes my day.
Watching little kids walking/playing with each other to the car with their parents with prizes in hand. It makes my day.
Afterwards we just cleaned up the whole place.
It was fun getting to know Jonathon, Jimmy's sister, and bonding with Tim, Lillian, Jimmy, Michael, Pauline, and meeting new people.
Jonathon is an obsessed Wonder Girls fan xD

sigh. what a day.
all morning studying for ap. failing the ap. having fun serving.
it's all good in the big picture.

Fake Mother's Day

I thought today was mothers day. so i FREAKED out this morning cause i totally forgot to prepare something. i was all really sad and thinking my mom was disappointed. i spread it around the my sisters too. so jeanine made this coupon thing for mothers day in like five minutes and gave it to my mom. my mom was like "what, today's mother's day? are you sure?" and laughed/chuckled. i only HEARD this from across the hall cause I was in my room brooding and deciding what to do. I thought my mom was really mad we forgot and didn't prepare anything and was just saying that. So I got even more depressed. but my mom kept denying it. so i looked it up online and wikipedia says its MAY 10TH. -_______- i was totally relieved and embarrassed at the same time. i couldn't look my mom in the eye the whole morning even though she doesn't know i'm the one that started all the misunderstanding. no wonder my dad was all calm when i was ranting to him this morning. aigooooo. well, i have one week to prepare something now.

AP EURO EXAM.
D:
gonna be cramming the whole week.
can't wait till friday after school
but after that, i'm just waiting for finals to be over.
and then my life to be over.
junior is going to be hell year and it starts with the summer.
TwT

Dreams

been having lots of dreams lately.
last night
karthika, danna and i were near the cafeteria but instead of the bars to mark the lines, there were tables there. a blue one like the ones we have at school but it was rectangular in stead of circular. I remember one of the cafeteria ladies giving us a plate of LOTS and LOTS of carrots. and we three actually ate it all with ranch.
ew. i hate carrots.

Same

First day of CST.
not that bad but they're getting harder and harder every year -____-
today wasn't that hard but it's probably going to get more difficult as the days pass.
chem, bio, and history are going to be the worst. why are we taking so many subjects this year?
not to mention AP exam. really nervous about that.

less than 2 months left.
less than 2 months.
scary.

thought things were different.
but they're the same.
same.
i can't remember the last time normal was so disappointing.

Fun Day

WHOHOOO.
so today i went to orchestra in the morning like usual.
i was going to go volunteer at the cypress book fair but I came home late from orchestra so i missed it.
after eating lunch at home i went to 09-10 first DCM! it was a meeting, so it wasn't all that fun. but AFTERWARDS. o man. our key club board went to go watch a movie together, 17 Again. SO FUN. it was really good. Made me think Zac Effron was hot. haha. Angie and I were like squealing have the time and telling each other how hot he was. xD It still feels kinda weird saying he's hot whenever I think back on High School Musical but he actually acted very well in 17 Again.
After the movie, we just hung out around Buena Park Mall. The mall's boring but not when you've got the right people ;] We played games, sat on each other, acted like wannabe ninjas, splashed fountain water on each other, played games, and hit each other the korean way. haha. we stayed out till like 10:30ish. wow. DCM started at 1; watched movie at 5; stayed out till 10. WHAT A DAY! I love staying out late like that. its been a while since I've been able to hang out like that. I really loved it.

today was the start of many new things.

Lately // Key Club

WOW.
I used to write like every other day in here and I haven't been here for a while. Well, during spring break I was too lazy although I had many great days and a very relaxing break. I think I could have had enough stuff to talk about to fill blogs every other day like i used to but eh, I guess lazy would be the right word. Even now I don't have much to say. I've just been thinking a lot and actually doing stuff lately which is good. I need to get other things straight, find things, wait for things, and do things. All in 24 hours each day.

I got my time today. Thanks, Minah.

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I've been working on Key Club stuff a lot lately. I've recently discovered why I love being a Key Clubber. I"m not a politician. I suck at history and I don't understand policies and complicated government crap very well. I in fact hate it. It's so sly and always looking to scheme people. In history, national relations policies (whatever you call them) seem to be too self-centered and heartless. For example, countries only join wars if it helps them, not because they want to help others. Of course, this may just be the reality, something that can't be changed and is only done in the good of its citizens and the fault may be the citizens' for bad judgment. But for me, someone who likes fantasies, cinderellas, and happy endings, I'd rather not experience such reality. It makes the world seem dirty, selfish, and cunning. But on a smaller scale, the reality can be beautiful. The sun shines every day with cloudy/rainy days here and there. On rainy days, we can share umbrellas. On a sunny Easter-weekend-Saturday, we can go help children collect eggs filled with candy, paint their faces with their imagination, and take pictures with the giant easter bunny. When it's too hot outside, we can go inside and share ice cream while making picture frames. The sun's always shining. This is why I love Key Club. The world is unfair. But maybe for a few hours, we can change that fact. For a few hours, we can a child happy. For a few hours, we can make other volunteers' jobs easier and more efficient. For a few hours, we can make make the sun shine. And by the end of the year, all these hours total up to thousands of hours the sun's been shining. It's thousands of hours where we don't have to think about politics and the other billion problems we're having. It's thousands of hours of shining, serving, bonding, caring, and loving.

"One thing to do, three words for you: JOIN KEY CLUB." -Judy Kim

Dcon + Today

April 3-5, 2009
DCON!! it was SOOOO MUCH FUN. I don't really know why though. Half the time, I was in workshops, where someone was presenting something to me. Half of those, I fell asleep. But the little things really made it fun: bonding with friends, trasnferring passion, seeing how much the world cares, sitting in one corner together discussing things we were restricted to do, complaining and sharing screams, laughing at each other in the hotel rooms, eating together, being hungry together, taking pictures together, cheering together. Maybe because everyone was so TOGETHER. Right now, I've learned to love Key Club for myself honestly. The high's, cheering, and meeting new people. But now, I want to learn to love serving people, serving low-income families, serving seniors, serving our school, serving home, serving the environment, serving anyone/anything who needs help.
I still haven't taken my bracelet off that allowed me to enter and exit the convention center because I want to go back so much. Because I want it to remind me why I'm a Key Clubber.
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BUT TODAY. damn I'm so pissed off.
When I came home, I did whatever I wanted: went on the internet, just laid around, doing nothing. Then after eating dinner (without my parents home) I noticed the dishes are piling up in the sink. I noticed the laundry pile was getting taller. I noticed we have a whole bunch of rice in the refrigerator and freezer like we're storing for winter. I noticed our refigerator is a little emptier than usual. I noticed my parents were coming home later than usual. I noticed my parents are getting more and more sick. I noticed my dad started packing me lunch (so I don't have to buy; i don't think they know I am in Judy's debt). I can't help but get worried. My parents own a private business but they aren't like those lazy private businesses out there that give a mediocre quality for the largest amount of money. My parents actually WORK HARD (not just try) to provide their customers with the best quality they can. They make sure their products are sewn right, look right, etc.
But what do I do? I sit here wasting hours on the internet. I sit here doing whatever I want that doesn't benefit anyone (not even me). What the fcuk am I doing? I don't get the grades my mom can be proud of. I don't have study habits my mom wants me to have. She spends thousands of dollars on tutor that I never study or prepare for. She spends hundreds of dollars on my flute lessons that I never ever practice for. My parents waste gas sending me to school that I hardly try in. And whenever I get the chance, I go spend their money to have fun and use it on myself. Dayum.

NO MORE.

I'm going to do my homework. I'm going to study. I'm going to do all the chores. I'm going to help out my parents whenever I can. I'm going to save money. Then, when things look better, when things get stable, I'll be able to PROUDLY spend the money I earned of course still sparingly. I'm stingy now; by then i'll know what it means to work for your money and be even stingier.

BUT THING IS.
I was going to break down because of this (again, twice in one week, not good). [...] Now I'm just pissed even more.
I'M SORRY. I was really upset and stressed and I ended up blaming you. I'M SORRY. I thought about it more and it is not like that. You tell me everything. I'm sorry for not having something to say all the time. I'm sure I wasn't the only one trying. I'm sorry.

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I've found you. Please find me.
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Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.
- Hafiz (Perisan poet of the 1300s)
(Sorry Erin, but I like the italicize thing you do so props to you)

So Many Things To Say

OMG. So many things passed this weekend. This is going to be ONE long blog but life has been starting to look better, I need to write it down. Can't forget:

THURSDAY:
I learned a little more about my mom. I was sitting at the kitchen counter, I had just come back from open house I think. We were just having a casual conversation about how being rich leads to broken families. I found out my parents were on verges of divorce a couple times even after one of my sisters and I was born. We had lived with my grandma (my dad's mom), who always sided with my dad when my parents argued. One day, my mom got really fed up and actually packed her bags. My grandma caught her and my mom told her that she's spend a year getting a steady job and income then come back for my sister and me. Thankfully, my grandma apologized and stopped my mom. My mom said if Grandma hadn't stopped her, she would have left.
We had laughed at the ridiculous thought of my parents divorcing and my drama queen mom but now that I look back I can't help but look at my grandma's picture on my bookshelf and be eternally grateful. She smiles back at me.
Another thing about my grandma. We learned in Health kind of a while ago that "mature adults" can still learn new things but find it difficult (or something like that). The most clear thing I remember about my grandma was me teaching her English. She had immigrated when she was pretty old so she knew hardly any English at all so it was hard for her to communicate with my sister and me who had been born and raised in the states. I remember she tried to learn English so diligently. I remember once sitting in her senior home at the dining table and giving her the back of my sticker pad to write the English alphabet. I still have that sticker pad. It has numbers and the alphabet written on it in shaky penmenship. I see the vague pencil that was engraved into the paper too deep to be fully erased. I fought back tears when I learned about the mature adults in health. I miss her.

FRIDAY:
MINIMUM DAY. I love these days except the fact the classes are the same length and they just take out enrichment but why am I complaining. I hung out with seniors that day. It was really fun. I was initially supposed to help my mom out at work but my sister had to go somewhere so I went to eat Rubios with mainly Peter and Mahesh with their other friends. Ate yummy quesidillas (however you spell it) and didn't waste any money cuz Peter eats like crazy and stays skinny. Hate those kinds of people >:0 Then we went back to school, the last place I wanted to go. They were going to play basketball and invited me to join. It was actually really fun. I scored some points for my team, beat up Mahesh, got to dirty Peter's new shoes, and laugh a lot. Slowly, everyone started to leave and it ended up being Peter, Mahesh, Will (aka Andrew), and me. Then I got my wish. YOGURT. Plus, it was Yogurt Factory where yogurt is always buy two get one free. But like the yogurt isn't as good quality as the other yogurt places but Mahesh's yogurt was free. I'm not complaining (Peter just took some of ours).
Then everybody went separate ways around 4/4:30. Mahesh took me home but he ended up picking up Cindy because she needed a ride to Spirit Night for DCON, where I also needed to go. My mom was going to take me after work but she had to go somewhere else to pick up some things for work. The fastest she could take us was at 5:30 but Spirit Night ended at 6. Great. Mahesh can't take us because he had work at 5/6. Well, Mahesh picked up Cindy and took her to my house. The three of us stayed at my house, played with my dog, just kinda hung around for a bit. Cindy was frantically trying to find a ride and Stella ended up coming over as well. AHAHA. PARTYYY! Cindy finally found a ride from Tim Pei, who picked all of us at my house. (Mahesh left to go home and then to work.) We ended up going to DCON for about 30 min. and then we (Peter, Brian, Cindy, Tim, Stella, Chris (guy from Magnolia), and I walked to Brian's house, stopping by In-N-Out on the way to eat dinner. Cindy, Brian, Stella, and this other guy had to practice for a talent show on Saturday. Their dance routine was pretty good =] So many fun things happened all the while. HAHA. Stella accidently slipped on the wood floor and kicked Chris (the "other guy") in the crotch. xDD sorry chris. AHA. I ate all of Brian's snacks; I couldn't help it, I was hungry (I didn't eat at In-N-Out because it was too early for dinner). We watched this AAAAAAH goat youtube video, danced to "Gee", and saw Peter and Caesar reunite (so cute).
BUT. We ended up staying until 9. I was supposed to get my mom to give us a ride home but my mom was going to church when I called her. (I'M SORRY CINDY! REALLY SORRY.) Cindy HAD to get home at by 9:30 and my mom wasn't coming any time soon... Cindy called her mom and ended up yelling at her for this/that and grounded Cindy saying she can't go to the talent show on Saturday. DUN DUN DUN. But thing is no one was mad, in fact they cared more about Cindy. Even Chris offered to give us a ride home. Everyone remembered the fun times they had and new those moments were so much more valuable than the three-minute spotlight the next day. Brian's mom had to pick up Brian's sister in La Palma so she took Tim, Stella, Cindy, and me home. She was SO INCREDIBLY nice. She never showed any stress of having to drive us home or how late we had stayed. She only kept worrying about Cindy and reassuring her that her mom was more understanding than she thought. Brian's mom tried to make Cindy feel better and even offered to talk to her mom. She was so positive, never angry, never frustrated, never chastising. I thought if there were more mom's like her, there would be less broken relationships. I want to be mom like her.
In the end, Cindy called me later and told me her mom would let her go to the talent show on Saturday. Thank God and I'm sorry Cindy I caused so much trouble for you.
I think we don't give our parents the trust they deserve. No matter how much abuse, how much yelling, how much fighting, I can't help but believe every mother loves their child. We are caught up in our own misery that we neglect the respect they should recieve. Respect doesn't mean we have to bow down to them and take ever word that comes out of their mouth but our pride dramatizes the word and doesn't let us be open-minded to our parents. Maybe some parents are just not good at expressing their feelings like some of us. Or maybe our parent's feelings are always misunderstood and we are too caught up in anger, making it worse. I want to learn now before I catch myself hurting my parents and my future children.

SATURDAY:
No orchestra rehearsal in the morning this time because we had a concert later that day so I got my chance to finally sleep in on Saturdays! Except my littlest sister walked into my room and woke me up because she had to get socks and underwear to get ready to go to Korean School. -_____-
My cousin called my around noon, telling me to come to tutor because there was a Red Cross meeting (my tutor formed a Red Cross club). I told him my mom was at work (my dad was in Brazil and was coming home in the evening) so I had no ride. Well, apparently it was important because the president picked me up. It was important because they were talking about the positions for next year's Red Cross. Meeting done, I went to tutor, kinda fell asleep. I usually never fall asleep during tutor but lately I've been dozing off unintentionally. Finished tutor at 4, went back home just in time to take a shower and get into concert attire and went back to tutor so my aunt (my cousin's mom) could take me to orchestra rehearsal (we're in the same orchestra) because my mom had to go to work. We were almost late to rehearsal.
It was kinda fun. Orchestra's kind of boring because we dont' really get a chance to talk. So Jessica, Kiyo, and I had all the fun we could during our break. We were so hungry though! The food the orchestra was selling was SERIOUSLY overpriced. No joke. Onlyi if we could drive we could have twice the amount of better food with the same money we spent buying the overpriced food. RIDICULOUS. But we took pictures in the bathroom, typical girls, and had a great time. =] I personally think we sucked at our concert but according to our conductor, he thought it was our best performance. (sureee, whatever) But Jessica, Kiyo, and I decided to bring food for all of us to share at our next and final concert. WOOHOO.~

I went striaght from concert to pick up my dad at the airport with my mom and my sister. He came home safely and we're all together again =]

SUNDAY:
Church. Afterwards, I ALMSOT forgot I had the WASC performance thing at school. So I went right after church and performed there. Mrs. Miner bought us Costco pizza c(: and I got to play with her son, Aaron. HAHA. He's one energetic kid who doesn't know how to chew his food with his mouth closed before we play -___- some pieces of his half-chewed food ended up on my hands or my shirt. Still cute x3

TODAY:
Late start monday. Because of WASC, we weren't having zero period. Somebody could have told me that BEFORE I arrived at school! -____- not cool but got to see my friends early in the morning. =] Failed my math quiz. you're typical but a little different day x3
Jon Lee was talking to me about college today. I just realized how much time we have left. In two days, it'll be April. So we have the whole month of April, May, and half of June. That means 2 and 1/2 months of school left. Last year, I would have been jumping with joy and waiting for summer to come. But I wanted to cry when this finally hit me. Time is moving too fast. I don't want to graduate so fast. I wish time would slow down. I want to enjoy more of sophomore year. I missed so much already. It doesn't feel like I've been in school for over half a year. I want to spend more time with friends as sophomores. I dont' want more AP classes. I don't want to suffer through AP tests, SAT, college applications, and rejection letters. From here and out, even from after junior year, life just gets harder. College --> Grad school --> career --> etc. i just want time to slow down and bask in every moment. I want to have the luxury of wasting time. From now on, there's no such thing. BUT. Life is still life. Sure memories are things that just might hurt a little looking back on but people need things to treasure. Life is about continuously making memories. There's no end to the hardships but there's isn't an end to happiness and self-satisfaction.

PHEEWWW. dang. that took me an hour to write! HAHA. Look at how much things every single day is filled with.

P.S.
I'll be wishing you the best because I know how you feel at least a little bit.

P.S. 2
I felt really.. err.. loserish (?) because I seem to be the only one who updates every other day on her blog about her life like she has nothing better to do. But now that I've wrote an hour's worth of memories I think I just have a lot of memories I want to remember because my memory is bad.

Giving up

난 포기 할까?
(should i give up?)
I'm tired of being jealous all the time. It gets me sad and mad. I want to have fun and smile every day with friends because they're worth AT LEAST that much.
But it's not like today I decide to let go and tomorrow I won't think about you. Time will help but I'm not going to try anymore.


Last time I was on the verge of giving up, you gave me a reason not to.
Please, turn me around.

Miketurday

Yesterday, I hung out with Mike after tutor.
We decided to go to Brea Mall and just shop.
I never realized how HUGE that mall was but it closes so early! We got there around 4:30 and it closes at 7 -_____-
So we went to a cafe afterwards. I ordered an ice cream and he ordered tea and a strawberry parfait. Finds out he hates sweet stuff and ordered the parfait for me. Nice of him but JERK. I ordered ice cream already. He made me eat BOTH. But there were three scoops of ice cream. I ate one, the next one fell on his pants, and I made him eat the last one. x] The parfait was GOOD though. SO cute too! It was like in this REALLY tall slender cup. Some kind of milkish drink was on the bottom, fudge, fruity pebbles, ice cream, peppero, and those cute toothpick umbrellas. =]
I didn't know Mike was so nice. In the beginning when we were at the mall, he had to run an errand real quick so I stayed at a store. He took FOREVER so I went into a different store. During the time he was away, he had done his errand and bought me jewelry and a small handbag/clutch as a surprise present. He gave it to me at the end of the day. At first I only saw the handbag and green tissue paper inside. When I got home, my sister discovered there was stuff INSIDE the tissue paper. That's WAYY too much. I feel bad now. I want to do something in return but whattt?

Full Day

WHOOO.
I didn't study for Euro at all and just studied in class (glad Mr. O wasn't there) and did okay I think. HOW COULD I FORGET NIETZHE! i forgot him! grrr....
ANOTHER sub in chem. played with chalk and wrote BIG BANG on the ground. =]
Spanish was half free period. listened to music with connie secretly ;]
Math was half free period too. I fell asleep during the lesson even though it wasn't boring. I guess I was REALLY tired or something cuz I fell asleep right when I got home...

OVER slept. I was supposed to meet up with Danna at Yogurt Time but I over slept. Thank gawd my dad woke me up to take me... I was gonna walk too xP
Well, got there but we decided to wait for Karthika but she ended up not coming -____- so we just grabbed our Yogurt and walked to Kennedy for Mr. Patriot!

Mr. Patriot is like Miss America, but Mister Oxford.
WOW. IT WAS HILARIOUS! LOVED D.HO'S ACT! SUPER MARIO!! HAHAHAHAHA.
His little act was like the remake of the game. The curtains were only half way open and he was in the middle walking in one spot on his knees. Behind him, the background was moving like clouds, grass, boxes, goombas, etc. One box he punched had a mushroom fall off and he GREW and walked in place on his feet. HAHA. He then went into a green tube and laid his stomach on a stool and started SWIMMING! SOO CUTE!!!
The others were funny too and the MCs were so chill. it was like an oxford school-wide family thing.
I dont' really agree with the winner... Good job John Hogan but I think Daniel HO should have won xP
Afterwards, Rhianna, Karthika, Danna, and I walked to Carl's Jr. These two guys were walking behind us and it was kinda scary...
but w/e. we got to Carl's Jr. safely and made ourselves pleasantly fat chubby x]
GO BABY GO~ (hamster dance xD) clumsy rhianna -___-;; sorry angie we got u in trouble xP

TOMORROW:
orchestra, tutor, BOA CONCERT! <|3

Refreshed

WHOOOOF!
I feel refreshed!
It's like really hot right now and I'm sweating but I feel GREAT.

He's still bothering me but whatever.
m: duude, you always stick up for him. it's kinda annoying. duude, why? he's such a jerk.
AHAHAHAAH. love you.

You scream too much. and sing your conversations. what a dorkk.
christeene says (8:11:19 PM): so i wanted to go to irvine

christeene says (8:11:22 PM): hehehhhh

christeene says (8:11:27 PM): but like mabye during the summer?

christeene says (8:11:28 PM): on a sunday?

christeene says (8:11:32 PM): would ur parents let you?

christeene says (8:11:39 PM): ALRIIGIHT!

christeene says (8:11:41 PM): WHOOHOO

It's a DATE!
((D, M thinks you're a GUY. hahahaha.))
random things we did today: find out who soulja boy was (kinda), trade music (and sheets), listen to mediocre piano playing (haha), watch sharpay say SURPRISE, and share dreams.

Lots of encouraging conversations today. Thank you. you guys probably don't know it. I really don't want to write depressing stuff so much anymore.
specifically c, c, d, m, t and everyone else who gave me smiles.

Sorry c. I neglected you. My mistake. Come back and let's go over it again. Sorry.

want change, need change, be change.
Instead of FML, I want to say LYL.
should we start today?
Love your life!

might be back later to edit:
minah, ur a dork. i hate love hate you. =______=